2
February 2011
Lin Han (Mr.)
Clementi
Ave 4
Block
305 #09-395
Singapore
120305
Mobile:
(+65) 81426958
Email:
A0070697@nus.edu.sg
Risk
Management Institute
National
University of Singapore
21
Heng Mui Keng Terrace, Level 4
Singapore
119613
Dear
Ms Long
Application for
Production Team Internship
As
a year two student majoring in quantitative finance, I have a dream to be a financial
officer in the banking industry in the future. Knowing that there is an open
internship position in the Risk Management Institute, I feel so attracted and I
want to seize this excellent opportunity to enrich my mind and gain exposure to
new and exciting areas of research.
As
a mature undergraduate, I care more about a broad perspective about the
financial industry rather than the formulas and theories taught in the
textbook. By reading the history of financial industry, I am constantly
training my mind to think critically in an ordered fashion and to derive
conclusions. By reading the financial events in the newspaper, I have a deep
understanding about the links between time, risk and money.
This
is my first time to participate in an internship. It is true that the first
step is really a challenge for me. However, my enthusiasm for challenges and my
ambition for success will never change. They drive me forward, and shape my
heart with confidence and optimism. Additionally, being confident about my
academic study, I will have enough time for the job during the next semester.
The
internship is a very prestigious program, and I will be honored to be given the
chance to participate in it. I sincerely yearn to contribute to the Risk
Management Institute, and to benefit from the vast experience that it has to
offer.
Yours
sincerely
Lin
Han
Lin
Han
Clementi
Ave 4
Block
305 #09-395
Singapore
120305
Email:
A0070697@nus.edu.sg
Cell
phone: 0065-81426958
EDUCATION
August
2010-present:
Major
in Quantitative Finance
Second
major in Statistics
National
University of Singapore (NUS)
Faculty
of Science
Cumulative
Average Point (CAP): 4.78/5
January
2008- December 2009:
Victoria
Junior College (VJC)
AWARDS &
HONORS
January
2011:
Dean’s List
(Faculty of Science)
December
2009:
A-level Certificate
May
2008-June 2008:
2nd
place, National Robotics Competition
May
2008:
Distinction,
Australian Mathematics Competition
WORKING
EXPERIENCE
August
2010-present:
Part-time
tutor (mathematics, physics, computing, violin)
March
2010-August 2010:
Part-time staff
at Raffles Hotel, Singapore
EXTRA-CURRICULAR
ACTIVITIES
January
2008-December 2009:
VJC Strings club
January
2008-December 2009:
VJC Robotics
club
IT SKILLS
Programming
language in C and C++
Microsoft
Office (Word, Excel, PowerPoint)
Matlab
Maple
Hi Lin Han,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a good job in writing your application letter, but I have some points to mention:
- The punctuation after your salutation is missing.
- In your first sentence you are talking about “a dream”, on the one hand I would write it in a more concrete way by using the word “the”; and on the other hand I would use another word for dream.
- Try not to use filler words like “so” (in your second sentence), this is an official letter so be concrete. You should better just write “…, I feel attracted and...”.
- Even if the theory behind ever practical thing is often boring, do not write that you do not care so much about it, it is still important. Cut the second part of the sentence: “As a mature undergraduate, I…”. And change the first part, for example: “As a mature undergraduate, I care a lot about…”.
- Try not to start two sentences in a row with the same words, like “By reading…” – I think you can find some better words.
- Do not mention that it is the first time to participate in an internship. This is nothing positive and every person will recognize it by reading your Résumé.
- Cut the following sentence “It is true...”. It gives the impression to the reader that you are not very self confident. Better write something like: “Participating in this internship would be an interesting experience and an additional challenge for my life, which I am looking forward to negotiate.
- I would write the sentence “Additionally,…” in a different way. I think it sounds better and more concrete to write, “Due to my academic ascent, I will additionally have enough time to participate in the internship during the next semester.”, without using the word “confident”. If you want to use “confident” please check if the right form is “to be confident about something”, after my research it is “to be confident of something”, but I am not a native speaker maybe you can use both forms.
- Maybe mention in one of the last sentences that you would be happy to get a respond from them and that you would appreciate to get the opportunity of a personal interview.
Cheers
Yours Oli